Sweet Victory!

One of my two congregations organized a Sunday School outing during the month of August at a "Family Fun Park" in East Lothian. It wasn't easy - pretending to enjoy myself in the presence of a whole lot of small children and coming down to their level.

It's what Jesus would have done, though.

This is a picture of me pretending to have fun. As you can see I managed reasonably well.

One of the children was trying to go faster than me in his Go-Kart. Duh - I don't think so! You've got to nip this sort of thing in the bud if you're going to maintain order in a congregation.

The reason I get to wear the colourful togs and stand at the front of the Church and talk all the time is because I can drive the Go-Kart faster than you can. No way! Eat my dust, kid!

Rabbit Repents!

I'll admit it - I was prepared to mock. Gently, of course, because the good father is doing a worthy thing - he has plenty of other little videos on the vestments of the Mass and other bits and pieces (which I think a few of my own flock have asked me to write something about and have I done it? I have not!) The ipadre format was a little forced. I suppose that's what I initially intended to poke a little fun at. Jeez, I'm making myself feel bad just writing this. What a shit I am! I hold the internet responsible. It's Madpriest's fault - maybe the fault of the Ship of Fools. It's that Dave Walker!

No...........it's my own fault.

Well sir, then I happened upon the interview with the four young women entering their postulancy with the Capuchin Sisters. All of a sudden it hit me that they were more or less the same age we were - back in Montreal at the end of the seventies and in the early eighties - a year or two before the trickle of young people into ministry dried up completely - ever to be replaced by a group of people uniquely made up of second vocations firmly rooted in middle age. I found my heart strangely warmed by the thought that somewhere in the hills of the United States there are young people considering turning the whole of their adult life over to the service of Jesus.

I want my youth group to see this. But in the mean time, in dust and ashes......I repent.

You gotta love the Irish!
(they know how to take you down a peg or two if you ask them nicely)

As reported by Madpriest

At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono asks the audience for some quiet.

Then he starts to slowly clap his hands.

Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone.....

"I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child dies in Africa."

A voice from the back of the audience yells out........

"Then fookin stop clapping yer hands, ya arsehole!"

Clio puts her foot in it

I gave up on a writing project today which wasn't going overly well. I decided to take advantage of the reasonable weather and take the best of all Labrador Retrievers for a walk along the mighty North Esk which runs down the hill from the Rectory. There's one spot where the river flows in a slow and determined manner in a stream 20 feet across and a foot and a half deep.

As I sat there on the rock watching the river I found that I was looking at about four things all at once. There was, first of all, the reflection in the water of what was behind and above me - the patch of blue sky amid the clouds and the canopy of Beech and Red Pine. Then there were the little clumps of white bubbles on the surface of the stream flowing steadily by my feet at the pace of a brisk walk. Around them on the surface of the water were little eddies, the mild boiling-up of water forced up over rocks beneath the surface and small whirlpools a half inch deep. Within the water - the odd bit of detritus - a leaf or two - being carried downstream. These never travel evenly - they are subject to invisible currents. Their movement is hesitant. They tumble. They wiggle about in fits and starts.

Pushing 50 as I am now, the North Esk has only one message. Things move downhill., heading off to their end and destination. The arthritis in the spine, the word forgotten for a moment, the impatience with things said by younger people purporting to be novel but which are just recycled rubbish from other days. Yeah, I guess I'm 49 alright!

And so rivers have the same message as waves hitting the sand. The regularity of the beat, the inexorable course of the path - waves beating things down - rivers carrying things away. I weave together something in my head which I'll preach about another day - a sermon about releasing things, a sermon about the experience of change and decay, a sermon about submission to time and transformation.

At this point Clio decided she needed a drink and so padded past me into the water. She waded out and drank a few mouthfuls, muddied the bottom, walked up stream. Then she climbed out. As she passed me her sodden tail smacked my trouser leg and soaked it. Helpfully, she shook the water out of her coat right beside my ear and I found myself pushing her away crossly. She hadn't a clue how she'd offended and looked hard-done-by.

My sombre reflection on death, decay and entropy was now lost. The mood had gone. There'd been too much volition here - too much tramping upstream - too much impatience with sameness and uniformity - an unwillingness to leave things as they must be.

Bloody dog! I'll have to start again.

Rabbit to wed!

Sometime in the spring (date as yet to be decided on).

I'd pretty well taken it as axiomatic that I was going to end up an evil old man living in a garret flat and eating beans out of the can. This appears no longer to be the case and a young Scottish lass has both gotten to know me for the last year and a half and yet still accepted my proposal of marriage. Nups to take place sometime after Easter.

The video below is not her, by the way. Her opinions are strong but not that violent and she's quite capable of making them known fully dressed and in sensible footwear. No, this is just my little way of saying goodbye to all those 'other' women.

Têtes à claques

If your A-level French ever fails you in the East End of Montreal, Raspberry Rabbit's translation service is there to help you through. Frankly there were a couple of words which failed me but the gist of the thing is here. Really quite funny.




Officer #1: This is Constable Whittaker, the bank is surrounded. Come out with your hands up otherwise we’ll be really angry.

Thief: No way chickenshit! It's you who's gonna turn around quietly and go back to your nearest Dunkin' Donuts because I have a hostage!

Officer #1: (aside) Shit! He’s got a hostage!

Officer #2: (aside) Oh Look! I think she’s pregnant!

Officer #1: Okay, so what’s your name, buddy?

Thief : Tony. My name’s Tony

Officer #1: Now listen, Tony. Let the pregnant woman go and take me as a hostage instead.

Lady: (aside) What pregnant woman? Is he talking about me?

Thief: No way, fatso. I’m keeping the pregnant woman with me.

Officer #1: Come on Tony, you can see she’s about to give birth……

Lady: (aside) What’s the fat policeman talking about? I’m not about to give birth. I’m not even pregnant!

Thief: (aside) Calm down, lady. I’ve got no intention of harming you or your baby – I’m just looking for a way of getting myself out of here.

Lady: (aside) Hey that’s really sweet of you Bozo but don’t worry about the baby because there is no baby because I’m not pregnant, get it?

Policeman #1: Tony, listen up buddy. Tell me what you want. It’s 5:30 already and nobody here wants to miss the beginning of Virginie [a television show] so let’s get a move on.

Thief: Um, let’s see....a million dollars! I want a million dollars!

Policeman #1: Okay. Listen I don’t know if you noticed or not but you’re holed up in a bank. I think you’re better placed to deal with that part yourself, no? Is there something else you want?

Thief: Umm…err…I want a plane to Cuba. Yeah, that’s right, a plane to Cuba!

Policeman #2: (aside) Hey, you know what? My sister is a travel agent. Should I give her a call?

Policeman #1: (aside) Uh yeah, I guess, might as well give that a try.

Policeman #2: (dials number) Hello Nicole? Yeah, it’s me. You doing okay? Me? Yeah, okay not bad, errr, having an interesting day. Listen, beautiful, hows about booking me a quick trip to Cuba, later this afternoon, rush rush. Uh, no no, I’m not fighting with the Missus or anything. It’s not for me. Listen, I don’t have time to go into detail, just book me a seat for Cuba real fast, rush rush…..(pause) uh……hmm…..wait a minute, I’ll ask (to policeman #1) What about the seat…..is that going to be a window seat or an aisle seat…uh….he has a choice.

Policeman #1: You’ve got a choice of seats! What do you want, window or aisle?

Lady: (aside)I find that a seat in the aisle is always more convenient. That way you’re not constantly disturbing people when you want to go to the toilet……

Thief: I want two seats in First Class ‘cause I’m taking the pregnant woman with me. I’ll let her go only when I’m safe in Cuba.

Lady: (aside) What are you talking about? See here, I can’t go to Cuba. My suitcases aren’t packed, I don’t have my swimsuit there’s no…..

Policeman #1: Be reasonable Tony. The lady’s probably going to start having contractions on the plane. What are you gonna do, hold her hand and start yelling ‘push push’ at all the right moments? Think about it!

Lady: Okay, I've had enough of this nonsense (hits the thief and knocks him out – strides towards the police car). Come here, fat policeman and I’ll give you a few contractions…

Policeman #1: Madame, madame, remain calm. Hold on (crash, smash – off camera) Hey! Hey! I told you to calm down.

What's Opera, Doc?

According to the Telegraph. the opera crowd in Bayreuth is up in arms over the current production of Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg.

"The great-granddaughter of the composer Richard Wagner was jeered and booed after staging one of his operas complete with nudity, giant plastic phalluses and "raining" shoes."

Family politics are playing their part in the affair:

....Katharina (Wagner) is locked in a three-way battle with fellow Wagner scions Nike and Eva, both 62, for control of the festival. A directorial triumph could have in effect crowned her as successor to her father, Wolfgang, 87, the current festival director.



I must admit not being overly familiar with Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg. Opera is an acquired taste. If we're going to love it we have to start young. It has a lot to do with our early education. I've got my favourite arias like everybody else but Bugs and Elmer managed to get their Wagner innovations done and dusted in the space of a few minutes.

Seven hours would be way too much. Our local bookseller in West Linton is over at the festival in Bayreuth right now and I'm eager to find out if he was one of the booing purists or not.

Welcome back Boris!

Those of us over the age of 45 will appreciate having the Russians back skulking around the streets of London as Enemy #1 - hello, meester Bond! Allow me to eentroduce myself! The burkas and the green flags were getting a little tiresome. It was all wrong.

I actually wrote 'chickenshit' instead of 'chicken' but they wouldn't let me say it. I was censored. There ought to be a law!

Ok so there is some justice in the world

Have you heard of Prairie Oyster? You might not want to know what a Prairie Oyster is but they're a pretty good Canadian band as well.

From the Globe and Mail today comes a story of a man struck by lightning while listening to his IPod. Careful to note that he plays in a 'church orchestra' and was listening to religious music at the time of the incident, the article goes on to suggest that

"...The freak accident has all the hallmarks of a biblical smiting..."

Two days of mixed sun and cloud - ecstasy!

Jeez, what is that stuff?
It's sunshine!

Nearly two days now with a healthy dose of the stuff (not constant) each day. I don't know what to do with myself. It's so enjoyable. This much fun and there's no risk of going blind. This is Britain. It ought to be legislated against or at least regulated.

I got back from holidays in western Canada on the 8th of June. It's now the 9th of July. In the last month there has not been a single day without some rain in it. When it has rained it has frequently been torrential. As they say in these parts 'It bucketed'.

Last week I was walking my dog and the girlfriend's four-legged dog-like pet on the Green in West Linton. I was on the mobile to her and I mentioned a strange looking black cloud coming in from the Northeast. I returned her dog to her house and started for home. By the time I had hit the roundabout the rain was coming down. Then it fell in sheets. Then it fell in sheets mixed with hail. When I went through Carlops Village the water was all backed up and came up 2/3 of way up my tires. And then it was over. No ginormous floods like they've seen south of the border. Still in all.....

A wet month. And we hope it's over now.

The Feast of St Peter

and St Paul

July 1st, 2007
A patronal festival in Edinburgh

Peter and Paul – they go together, like ham and eggs or like Romulus and Remus or Morecambe and Wise.

You might call the two towers of your church Peter and Paul, or so name two bells in one of those towers.

My mother had a little song about two small birds sitting on a wall - one named Peter and one named Paul. There’s a certain ‘twoness’ there – a symmetry.

In an icon the two saints are each depicted holding an edge of a basilica and supporting it. All is well. All is as it should be.

See how our lintel is supported by two strong posts. See how they share the weight. Stability and peace.

It’s what two apostles should do. It’s what Luke is eager to demonstrate in the Acts of the Apostles as he describes the Jerusalem conference. Peter - he will minister among the lost sheep of the house of Israel. Paul - he will work among the Gentile believers.

Two individuals – each with his own trajectory for Mission meeting together and ‘agreeing’. Agreeing at a formal meeting. Agreeing in the presence of witnesses. Agreeing not to get in each other’s way – agreeing that their separate missions are in fact two sides of the coin – two peas in the same pod.

What would you think were you to find such a written agreement between two individuals promising to work in concert with each other without getting in each other's way? You might entertain the cheeky thought that significant disagreement had already taken place, no?

Are we always so suspicious? The box says ‘tasty’ but we look at the back to see what the ingredients are. We remind ourselves that the woman feeding this stuff to her happy children on the television is a paid actress. She conjures up that smile for money.

The actor and his new wife appear on the red carpet looking positively glowing But maybe the tabloids have it right: He hit her once. She has another love interest on the side. She has trouble maintaining her weight.

If Country Life is telling the story of an agreed stable apostolic ministry aiming in two directions then we can be assured that the News of the World is not far behind wanting very much to scratch the surface and find what lurks there beneath the symmetry – behind the rosy picture of unity and stability.

We do not have to go very far beyond today's second reading to find sharp and suspicious words in the Epistle to the Galatians. Paul first describes his agreement with Peter and the others in today's Epistle in a way not unlike Luke's version of events in the Acts of the Apostles.

“They gave to Barnabas and me the right hand of fellowship, agreeing that we should go to the Gentiles and they to the circumcised.”

Public agreement - the recognition of different missions - to Jew and Gentile. But if we carry on for a few verses beyond where this morning's lectionary reading ends we find evidence of a significant 'falling out' when Peter comes to visit the mission of Paul and Barnabas in Antioch.

Showdown in Antioch - screams the tabloid headline. I needed Peter and Peter bailed out. Maybe just a single word headline - hypocrite!

The trouble? Ah! The usual, I'm afraid. Who is in and who is out - What are the limits of God's reach? Does he maintain a small circle of friends or should we, in his name, open the door wide. - remove the door from the frame and the frame from the wall. Do we take the walls down.

And if creative and inclusive ministry is good for us when we're alone and far from home is it equally good for us when the Bishop visits? Is it as much a feather in our cap when the 'men from James' come to visit - representatives of a very conservative leader back in Jerusalem who might end up compromised if word of the goings-on in Antioch were to reach his opponents. Fear conflicts with grace - prudence undermines boldness.

Conflict. We've seen it all before. Maybe you're here because you landed in it in another church. Maybe the possibility of conflict in the Church has kept you off vestry. Maybe you hunger for the sort of Church where pastor, pope or primate speaks with the sort of eclat that doesn't allow for opposition or serious critical analysis. It makes life a lot easier. I think of how many fine young people I was at seminary with who, in search of something solid and unambiguous locked themselves away in every more inflexible patterns of ministry.

I had occasion, recently, to participate in my parents' Golden Wedding celebrations. Everyone was there - all the cousins - uncles and aunts. I have snapshots. The shutter opened and shut and revealed a family that is really quite well - at this particular moment in time - almost all of them.

What made that fact remarkable is that it has not always been that way. It's a 'scarred wellness' rather than an innocent and virginal intactness with my family. Like I said, I have the snapshots.

You move your finger from left to right and when you arrive at each face in the picture you can tell a story. Ten years ago this happened. Those two brothers weren't talking for a while. There was an addiction. Here was a betrayal. It very nearly ended that marriage right there and then. How did he ever get a job? He's kept the same one now for nearly five years - that's some kind of record.

They've not so much leapt from crag to crag as they have climbed out of the swamp onto a safe rock. And the fact that they are now comparatively well is not so much in opposition to what they once were as it is the harvest of what they once were.

Some of them, anyway, would say that it was all worth it. They could do with better knees and a few more teeth. But the struggle was part and parcel of the life they now lead.


If Peter and Paul are the authors of the grace which they preach then their struggle and disagreement is fundamental and a scandal to be concealed and glossed over. Splits in the Anglican Communion, divisions in the parish, the Reformation and its sequelae in like manner diminish the quality and effect of our ministry if we are the authors of the grace which we preach - which we are not - there is another. Peter and Paul are martyrs - witnesses - they stand in the presence of something greater than themselves and point to it.

What was Peter told in the Gospel I read a few moments back? That life and ministry would exact a terrible toll on him. He would be mastered. He would be taken and led - taken somewhere he did not want to go.

Clearly he understands all this for he is possessed, for a moment, by an instinctive childishness. In words which, again, are just beyond the reading from today's lections he points to John the Beloved Disciple, there beside Jesus, and asks about him. What about this one? he asks - your favourite disciple. Die in his bed, will he then? Old and full of years? Why just me? Why must I die in service and not him?

And Paul? What is Paul told by God when, at some subsequent point in his ministry, he cries out to be relieved of a 'thorn in his flesh' the exact nature of which we are never privy to - some weakness or vice, some infirmity of flesh or spirit. Three times he appeals to God to have this taken from him and is told 'My Grace is sufficient for you for my strength is made perfect in weakness'.

We know that truth is something struggled for and not simply possessed and then preserved. Not only because we believe that the truth is arrived at through a process of assertion, negation and the arrival at some new unity. Conflict is at the very heart of its discovery and acquisition - conflict with a world slow to recognize love, conflict with a self reluctant to submit to mastery and martyrdom. Peaceful worlds are so frequently small and lonely worlds.

The lintel is held up by, among others, these two strong posts. When we examine them closely, however, we notice that the wood is not without character in its substance. It has been rough hewn. Scraped and chipped. It bears the marks of its children, the marks of seasons, the weak parts healed over, bitter winters and scorching heat. Its rings and circles bear witness to times of both fatness and leanness - effective mostly because it has been tried and in the long run found to be sound and strong.

There are still a few heros in the world

Let's hear it for the intransigent individual who refuses to be co-opted by the marketplace. An American newsreader refuses to bow to her producer's taste in lead stories.

Cultural Studies



nothing to do with General Synod. A complete excursis.

A new primate for Canada!

The final tally on the 5th ballot.

Fred Hiltz 60 / 81
Victoria Matthews 56 /56

A strong showing among the laity in the second ballot was obviously quite convincing. This is not unknown in episcopal elections, for example. I can think of at least two elections where the clergy house has moved quite dramatically towards the laity. It's not the result I had expected but then what are expectations but a very common blockage to good and holy movements in human experience. God's blessing on Fred Hiltz!

Heres the story from the Anglican Journal

Balloting in the Primatial Election 2

Second Ballot
Voting: clergy/lay

George Bruce 1 / 4
Fred Hiltz 49 / 69
Bruce Howe 1 / 5
Victoria Matthews 64 / 60

The next ballot will have only two candidates: Fred Hiltz and Victoria Matthews. Candidates come off when they pull less than 10% of the votes. I wonder if we'll have a third ballot result showing a clergy favourite and a lay favourite. In the two episcopal elections I have participated in where such a situation occured the movement was on the part of the clergy house towards the lay house [note at the end of balloting - this is exactly what happened]. I'm out for supper with my girlfriend tonight. We will eat quickly. I think we'll skip pudding.

Balloting in the Primatial Election.

1st Ballot
Votes Clergy/Lay

George Bruce 14 / 9
Fred Hiltz 40 / 57
Bruce Howe 5 /18
Victoria Matthews 56 / 54

Some rather succinct background on the four candidates written by an American priest studying for his Th.D at Trinity College in Toronto. This appeared on Fr Jake's website a number of months ago. A name will drop off the ballot after the second round. They gather again at half twelve CDT (6:30 pm in the UK) for the announcement of the 2nd ballot results.

I'm told that those voting for George Bruce and Bruce Howe would be unlikely to vote for Fred Hiltz. There may be a very few for whom gender trumps theological stance but very few indeed.

General Synod in Winnipeg (continued)

Two items from last night's (Thursday evening's) session as reported by one blogger-delegate from the Diocese of New Westminster and the Anglican Essentials folks who have some sort of observer status at GS. The new Prolocutor of General Synod (who acts as vice-chair of GS and chair of the Council of General Synod) is a 'relatively' conservative clergyman from the Diocese of Algoma. The author of the 'live blog' which Anglican Essentials Canada is hosting from General Synod got breathless at this point and, noting that the individual in question was 'Essentials-friendly', promptly spelled the man's new position incorrectly at least once.

This prompted the following comment:

Praise the Lord that Stephen Andrews was elected Proluctor (sic) of our General Synod. This a major step in the right direction. Now we need to elect a Primate who will call the Church back to the Authority of Scripture and defeat all motions which would allow same sex blessings in our church or even allow for local option. We need to come under the Authority of Scripture and not align ourselves with our culture. The church must always stand over against the culture of our time to call people to repentance and to new life in Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Okay, so it's not an easy word to remember. It's probably not even included in the spell-check so the poor blogger is really on his own.

One is hesitant to see this as a decision by General Synod to elect 'a conservative' to a senior position in the hierarchy of General Synod. Bloggers from Anglican Essentials Canada are looking constantly for the presence of 'their folks' in the wings, in the visitors' seats and potentially in key positions. Equally one might conceive that a blogger from the Diocese of New Westminster might be looking at the same possible evidence from an entirely different treetop.

Nonetheless, one does wonder what the 'conservative in hand' as vice-chair of General Synod and a potential middle-right Primate could possibly do with an eventual decision to proceed with the blessing of same sex-unions.

Synod also defeated an amendment to a motion to receive the report of the Windsor Response Group. The amendment called on Dioceses (such as New Westminster with its 8 parishes presently able to bless such unions) to abide by a moratorium on the blessing of same. This caused much discussion on what was implied by the 'reception' of a report - is it simply received or is it accepted? Speakers against the amendment noted that such a decision would prejudge the discussion and decisions to take place later at Synod and the amendment failed massively.

The Anglican Journal Daily Journal, - Issue 3, dated the 22nd of June is available HERE

A propos of nothing: Andrew Goddard was speaking to the Essentials folks about the Anglican covenant. The video of his presentation is here



The Primatial Election is to start at 11:00 CDT (5 pm UK time) !!

Do note the Friday updates to yesterday's post linking to various General Synod resources.